Goals for '08

Not counting modesty, we're nearly perfect. But we can still come up with a few New Year's resolutions to strive for in 2008:

1. Gain 10 pounds. The leftover turkey in the fridge would be a good place to start.

2. Learn how to open the refrigerator.

2a. Without getting caught.

3. There was a dog on TV that could pick out any single one of maybe a hundred different toys on request, just given that object's name. Can you believe that? I mean one dog with a hundred toys? We resolve to upgrade our toy collection to world class. "Dad" says we'll have to donate some of our old toys to a shelter to make room in the toy box. But we're thinking eBay.

4. Maintain homeland security, holding off all threats to our territory. Especially that UPS guy.

5. Convince "mom" to trade in her SUV for a minivan: easier access, more headroom. Royal blue would complement our coats nicely.

6. Break the world record for hours of sleep in one day. Getting up several times the night before should help, especially if we ask to go out, so "Dad" will be too tired to go on any walks.

7. Massively increase the traffic to our blog. Cosmo can sometimes nudge the mouse button and add one hit, but that's not going to get us there. We're used to doing things by mouth, but this "word of mouth" thing is a different story, and many of our doggie pals are still not online... So who do we have to share treats with to get into "Blogs of Note"?

8. Learn to count to ten. It's not so easy when you only have four toes per limb.

Stairway to Heaven

We both have the motivation to jump right into the back of "mom's" SUV (whose rear seats are almost always folded down) on a moment's notice. Astro has the agility to make the jump even though there's not much headroom. But Cosmo, who had some joint and back troubles as a puppy with his first owner, isn't quite as athletic. And even "dad" doesn't have the strength to lift us in - as if we'd put up with such humiliation in the first place.

"Dad" got one of those folding ramp things, but we're not into high-wire acts and refuse to trust it. Then he noticed that we have no trouble with stairs in the house, so he made us this nifty set of portable steps instead. They're light enough that "mom" can easily toss them in the car for trips, and were simple and inexpensive to build as well.

The steps were made from foam insulation board from the home improvement store. "Dad" cut the 1.5" thick sheet into five 1x2-foot sections for the top step, and five 2x2-foot sections for the bottom section. A layer of thick corrugated cardboard on the two 1x2-foot step surfaces adds protection from toenail punctures, and a strip of carpet remnant wraps around the whole thing for a sturdy non-slip surface. The layers were glued together with "gorilla" glue; hot glue should work also. The carpet was creased to fit, glued on, and some duct tape (a "dad" signature) added to keep the seams secure.

So now we know it's a doggy road trip when the steps come out, and the car goes from zero to two dogs in less than a second.

Fire and Rain

Because last year was so dry, we can hardly complain when we get the occasional rainy day like today. It's no fun doing our business in the cold and wet, but "dad" makes up for it by giving us a special towel rubdown when we get back inside. Sometimes he even makes silly sound effects that we're suckers for. And if it's cold enough, "mom" will start a toasty blaze going in the fireplace and wrap us up in blankets. So even sun-lovers like us have learned to enjoy a storm now and then.

Toy Story

We have a prized collection of soft squeaky toys acquired over the years, dating back as far as the time we grew out of ripping each new one to shreds. Astro doesn't play with them these days, unless he's in an unusually puppyish mood, or to get "first dibs" on a brand new toy. "Dad" sometimes pulls a long-forgotten toy out of the bottom of the box, but we're not fooled for long.

Cosmo thinks of the toys as a sort of all-purpose canine currency - presenting one in exchange for getting pets, or just showing them off as a bit of not-so-subtle bling. Sometime's he'll sit for hours with one in his mouth just for the warm fuzzy feeling. The squeakers are also useful for waking up "mom" - but never before "dad" has her first cup of tea ready. With Christmas coming, we're both wondering what cool new toy Santa will bring us this year - and how we're going to fit them into our overflowing toy box.

Walk the Walk, Hear the Talk

Dogs of our stature get accustomed to interesting reactions from people when we're out for walks. Some just cross to the other side of the street, perhaps out of respect. Some come up with dumb comments like "Who's walking who there?" or "Wow, they're as big as horses!" or even "You could put a saddle on them!". Yeah, never heard those before.

Not that originality is essential - we're just fine with "Beautiful dogs!" Even if a more masculine adjective would be preferable, that comment makes our tails wag each time we hear it. But our favorite has to be the time a gentleman told his young son, "Look, Great Danes!". The kid replied "Why? What did they do?"